non-compatible

feeling of incompatible has haunted me since i entered NTU
finding everyone being able to catch up
n i am left far behind, much below par
this is not the 1st time i am writing bout this type of feeling i experience
but, i just cant help it!!
i feel like no matter how hard i try,
it is just a too far fetch dream to be lk any1 of them
maybe sum of u wil cum asking, y do u hv to be lk them?
arent u happy with urself? u almost hv everything ppl adore
entered a good uni, from a good family, financial burden free, able to excel in co-curricular activities n studies at the same time...
but, the latter was sumtin of the past
i hope it can be brought forward, to boost my confidence
also, i realise my confidence i had last time, was built on the basis of my results
now, i noe y, results means so much to me
bcos it has been my source of confidence
maybe tis is due to my family brought up?

i came from a family who respects educated ppl a lot
my parents hadnt got a chance to go into uni,
their results werent good, especially my daddy
since young, i hv been inculcated the idea that u ought to hv good results to b a successful person next time
n in sec skul, i manage to squeeze into a famous n prominent chinese independent skul in KL
from there, i am thrown into an environment where many strive for good results
i slowly start to build up this mindset that results is very important

it feels lk whn u r a poor student here in NTU, wat u say has much less weightage
i mean, this is a very natural phenomena, right?
even in the outside society, ppl of lower rank or less capability has less authority n strength of speech

i dun expect to b at the top
all i want is to be among them, say lk score 4.5-4.7.. i am alr satisfied
i used to imagine myself in NTU as below
NTU is a pond that been euteroficated
oxygen is scarce n of low percentage, but the pond contain a lot of fish
all the fish struggles to reach to the limited opening of the pond surface to gasp for air
n i am one of the fish in the school of fish
many were able to swim up for oxygen
but, i am a weak fish n has got insufficient strength, stamina to swim up
so, i remain below, feeling exhausted n always trying to swim up to the water surface
this bad thinking is draining me

i hv got only 1 more paper to go
it is organic chemistry
many reactions, mechanism, rearrangement etc to memorise
wish me luck
hope that tis time i wil hv the stamina n strength to swim up n gasp adequate oxygen
i cant wait to go back to KL n spend time with you guys
wait for me, ok...
miss u guys lk crazy.. love ya

Psalms 121

I lift up my eyes to the hills
where does my help come from?
my help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth

He will not let your foot slip
he who watches over you will not let you slumber
indeed, he whowatches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep

The Lord watches over you
the Lord is your shade at your right hand
thn sun will not harm you by day
nor the moon at night

The Lord will keep you from all harm
he will watch over your life
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore

sick

studies going at a very slow pace
though i am alr recovering from my fever
haven't been feeling well since saturday
eventually, it has developed into a fever on Sunday night

this morning, felt too sick to even walk to school
luckily i hv a very good friend of mine to company me to the medical centre in our campus
true enough, i had fever at 39.5C,
i was a bit shocked, i didnt expect it to be that high
i requested for a jab bcos i was going to have maths exam this morning too
after the jab, the nurse told me to rest in the room they had

felt so much better aft that,
praise the lord!!! i can concentrate in my exams
now studying physics, but a bit sien
thus, did sum update in my blog
all the best to my frens, ya!!
i wil b back very soon