non-compatible

feeling of incompatible has haunted me since i entered NTU
finding everyone being able to catch up
n i am left far behind, much below par
this is not the 1st time i am writing bout this type of feeling i experience
but, i just cant help it!!
i feel like no matter how hard i try,
it is just a too far fetch dream to be lk any1 of them
maybe sum of u wil cum asking, y do u hv to be lk them?
arent u happy with urself? u almost hv everything ppl adore
entered a good uni, from a good family, financial burden free, able to excel in co-curricular activities n studies at the same time...
but, the latter was sumtin of the past
i hope it can be brought forward, to boost my confidence
also, i realise my confidence i had last time, was built on the basis of my results
now, i noe y, results means so much to me
bcos it has been my source of confidence
maybe tis is due to my family brought up?

i came from a family who respects educated ppl a lot
my parents hadnt got a chance to go into uni,
their results werent good, especially my daddy
since young, i hv been inculcated the idea that u ought to hv good results to b a successful person next time
n in sec skul, i manage to squeeze into a famous n prominent chinese independent skul in KL
from there, i am thrown into an environment where many strive for good results
i slowly start to build up this mindset that results is very important

it feels lk whn u r a poor student here in NTU, wat u say has much less weightage
i mean, this is a very natural phenomena, right?
even in the outside society, ppl of lower rank or less capability has less authority n strength of speech

i dun expect to b at the top
all i want is to be among them, say lk score 4.5-4.7.. i am alr satisfied
i used to imagine myself in NTU as below
NTU is a pond that been euteroficated
oxygen is scarce n of low percentage, but the pond contain a lot of fish
all the fish struggles to reach to the limited opening of the pond surface to gasp for air
n i am one of the fish in the school of fish
many were able to swim up for oxygen
but, i am a weak fish n has got insufficient strength, stamina to swim up
so, i remain below, feeling exhausted n always trying to swim up to the water surface
this bad thinking is draining me

i hv got only 1 more paper to go
it is organic chemistry
many reactions, mechanism, rearrangement etc to memorise
wish me luck
hope that tis time i wil hv the stamina n strength to swim up n gasp adequate oxygen
i cant wait to go back to KL n spend time with you guys
wait for me, ok...
miss u guys lk crazy.. love ya