Agitated and grave

got back my effective communication paper today
n i only got a B for my written passage
i felt quite bad, cos i hv never gotten such low marks for english before
evethough it is not much of ur written language but the way u organise n express the passage
but i still felt very very bad

aft tat, v frens had lunch tgt,
i was the only girl among them
upon leaving the canteen, my hand was filled, as i packed food for my other friends
he happened to be walking in front of me
i was actually hoping, in the meantime, testing him, whether will he open the door for me
to my disappointment, the ans was "he did not"
so, i used my body to push the door open
this is a very clear indication that i shouldnt put on hope in him
n uproot all my feelings
eventhough aft tat, i went n print stuff,
he offered to help me get my things..
but, overall, i still think, giving up is a better choice
making this decision (dunno whether i can do it), i felt worse
i think it was quite obvious i was in a solemn mood
v both walked tgt to the benches outsede the lecture halls,
he didnt realise anything.. clearly states that he doesnt even bother
nvm... maybe he is just not meant for me

during lecture, i cant concentrate
i tried very hard to, but i guess it is bcos of lack of sleep
i lost focus
by this time, i felt like i want to break down
but i held myself
there r just far too much pressure i can hold
i want to surrender all
i want sum1 to hear me cry, hear my voice, my inner self
but who can? i dun want to reveal my true colours to my frens
i think they will be shocked that the usually cheerful girl, suddenly turned grave
i was also actually hoping that he comes n ask me wat was goin on
but, that was a dream, a dream too far to fetch

i really want to cry...
can sum1 hear my voice?
i am really pressured, i noe every1 does hv pressure
but for 2day, i am overloaded
who can wipe my tears?
who can lend me a shoulder?
is there sum1 outside willing to come forth and understand me?